Dear Friend are you angry,

because I was…. and here’s what helped

Sitting there overwhelmed, desperate for an easy fix, an answer, a solution that would have answered all my questions and healed all my wounds…I was astonished when I was gently reminded to go back to the basics…I asked my counselor (whom I’m forever grateful for) “you want me to go back to the basics?” I’ll confess, my pride was showing up to the party. After all, I have the same degree she does, and I’ve even issued the same assignment she had given me…the irony was not lost on me… oh humility why do you always feel like such a foe when you are indeed truly my friend?!!!

I could feel the shame washing over me…how could I have forgotten all of this? How did I lose sight of so much? In fact, I said those words to her…she reminded me of truth – which I was so thankful for…“Jenny, that’s why we need each other. We can’t do this alone. We all need to be reminded of truth, we all need help finding our way back.”

Are you feeling lost? Overwhelmed? Discouraged? It’s okay, friend, we’ve all been there…let’s get back to the basics…

Getting back to the basics for me means, asking God to take the stone from my heart. To help me come out of hiding, the place of deflecting, to stop listening to the lies and step back into truth…to feel again…to step into gratitude and towards Him…to stop fighting the pain…to step into it, and let Him carry me through it.

Always, always easier said than done, ABSOLUTELY…that’s the thing, isn’t it, none of it is ever easy…but to do what we’ve always done to cope, and expecting a different result is certainly harder, at least for me…

So, I’m giving up on my own understanding, on my own need for control… I’m stepping into surrender by stepping into feeling my own pain and loss.

This entire conversation brought me back to an experience shared with one of my younger sisters. I remember standing beside her in the delivery room, as she was giving birth to her son. I was holding her hand, assisting through a contraction…it was difficult for both of us…I was aching because I had been walking through years of infertility and the grief of still having empty arms…she was in her third hour of pushing. Fear and confusion had settled in. Why wasn’t her sweet boy moving into position? What was happening? Was he going to be ok? Despite her struggle and immense fear, the words she said next have remained with me since that day…

I asked her how she was doing, as she caught her breath between contractions, and then she said this, “it’s better if I don’t fight the pain. When I let my body embrace the contraction and work with the pain, it’s easier. When I try to push the pain away and resist, it intensifies and lasts much longer.” I stood frozen in that moment, in awe of her words and strength…I’ve carried those words with me and have seen their truth time and again.

We can’t hide from the hardships of this world…pain and tragedy come for us all, it’s the universal language of our world. It’s the language our God has come to save us from, to carry us through, to build a bridge out of…the more we fight against the pain, run from it, the more pain we actually cause ourselves…

To Do:

So, lets head back to the basics, back to the beginning…

• What anger are you carrying with you?

Anger isn’t a bad thing, although we often believe it is. It’s what we do with our anger that can cause problems for us. Anger is simply our body telling us that we have been hurt, it’s what’s called a secondary emotion. Having anger is healthy, but it’s important to identify the primary emotion behind it (Fear, Rejection, Hurt, Humiliation, Grief, Frustration…). Take time and ask yourself what’s your primary emotion.

1. How would you describe who God is in this season? Shut your eyes and imagine His face, what do you see? Is He wrathful, a score keeper, angry?…perhaps disappointed?
2. What are you believing about who God is?
3. Read Psalm 130 and put it into your own words, lamenting what you’re experiencing in your own life right now. What’s hurting, what rejection are you feeling, what are you afraid of? Lament. Take them out of your head and put them into a concrete form where they can take shape and form. As scary as this step can feel, it takes much of the power from the fear and pain and channels it into a processable form

• Start a gratitude journal, I’m serious!!! I know it sounds cliche but friend, this is life changing!!! I download my favorite guides and use them as bullet points in my gratitude journal, you can find the links here ( search for Joy Dare). By doing the act of writing down beautiful moments, things you’re grateful for, or gifts ( whatever you’d like to call them) you actually change the way your brain can process information. So, start with a keeping track each day and watch as you slowly start to see you mind and heart shift.
• Make a list of things that are causing anxiety, fear, or feelings of being burdened. Then take each item and offer them in prayer, one by one. I take this a step further and write the prayers down and put them in a box. The act of handing them over, letting them go, it helps me to release myself from the hold I have over them or the hold they have over me. Sometimes I have to do this act of letting go several times in a short time period to create a new way of thinking. Be patient, letting go and trusting isn’t a one and done process. It’s a journey that can take a lifetime.

As I wrap this post up, I can’t help but wonder why it’s so hard to just admit that we don’t have it all together… wait, I know the answer to that… it stems from not really feeling safe, I believe. Can I trust this person to not use my stuff against me, to hurt me with what I share… and those are good and valid questions. The one place you can always go, the one place that’s always safe is to Jesus. The basics are a great place to start doing that… take a step and see, I promise you’re safe with Him.

I hope you have a beautiful day, friend. Love you.