I am so truly excited to have you over to my tiny corner of the world. I am a 40 something year old living in the country with my high school sweetheart, turned husband and our miracle baby thru adoption, Norah Kay.
Sitting there overwhelmed, desperate for an easy fix, an answer, a solution that would have answered all my questions and healed all my wounds…I was astonished when I was gently reminded to go back to the basics…I asked my counselor (whom I’m forever grateful for) “you want me to go back to the basics?” I’ll confess, my pride was showing up to the party. After all, I have the same degree she does, and I’ve even issued the same assignment she had given me…the irony was not lost on me… oh humility why do you always feel like such a foe when you are indeed truly my friend?!!!
I could feel the shame washing over me…how could I have forgotten all of this? How did I lose sight of so much? In fact, I said those words to her…she reminded me of truth – which I was so thankful for…“Jenny, that’s why we need each other. We can’t do this alone. We all need to be reminded of truth, we all need help finding our way back.”
Are you feeling lost? Overwhelmed? Discouraged? It’s okay, friend, we’ve all been there…let’s get back to the basics…
Getting back to the basics for me means, asking God to take the stone from my heart. To help me come out of hiding, the place of deflecting, to stop listening to the lies and step back into truth…to feel again…to step into gratitude and towards Him…to stop fighting the pain…to step into it, and let Him carry me through it.
Always, always easier said than done, ABSOLUTELY…that’s the thing, isn’t it, none of it is ever easy…but to do what we’ve always done to cope, and expecting a different result is certainly harder, at least for me…
So, I’m giving up on my own understanding, on my own need for control… I’m stepping into surrender by stepping into feeling my own pain and loss.
This entire conversation brought me back to an experience shared with one of my younger sisters. I remember standing beside her in the delivery room, as she was giving birth to her son. I was holding her hand, assisting through a contraction…it was difficult for both of us…I was aching because I had been walking through years of infertility and the grief of still having empty arms…she was in her third hour of pushing. Fear and confusion had settled in. Why wasn’t her sweet boy moving into position? What was happening? Was he going to be ok? Despite her struggle and immense fear, the words she said next have remained with me since that day…
I asked her how she was doing, as she caught her breath between contractions, and then she said this, “it’s better if I don’t fight the pain. When I let my body embrace the contraction and work with the pain, it’s easier. When I try to push the pain away and resist, it intensifies and lasts much longer.” I stood frozen in that moment, in awe of her words and strength…I’ve carried those words with me and have seen their truth time and again.
We can’t hide from the hardships of this world…pain and tragedy come for us all, it’s the universal language of our world. It’s the language our God has come to save us from, to carry us through, to build a bridge out of…the more we fight against the pain, run from it, the more pain we actually cause ourselves…
So, lets head back to the basics, back to the beginning…
Anger isn’t a bad thing, although we often believe it is. It’s what we do with our anger that can cause problems for us. Anger is simply our body telling us that we have been hurt, it’s what’s called a secondary emotion. Having anger is healthy, but it’s important to identify the primary emotion behind it (Fear, Rejection, Hurt, Humiliation, Grief, Frustration…). Take time and ask yourself what’s your primary emotion.
As I wrap this post up, I can’t help but wonder why it’s so hard to just admit that we don’t have it all together… wait, I know the answer to that… it stems from not really feeling safe, I believe. Can I trust this person to not use my stuff against me, to hurt me with what I share… and those are good and valid questions. The one place you can always go, the one place that’s always safe is to Jesus. The basics are a great place to start doing that… take a step and see, I promise you’re safe with Him.
I hope you have a beautiful day, friend. Love you.