2018 feels like a whirlwind of change and growth. it started off bleak, without hope and then we entered into our season of miracles…doors that had felt cemented shut, flew open and Norah came blasting into our lives. along with Norah, our business had a blessed year, and I was asked to be a permanent fixture on my husbands TV show. doors were flying open left and right…not just doors, but windows too…anywhere light could come in, it did.

all amazing and dream fulfilling things happened…however, slowly I noticed that my time with God was becoming less and less. i started feeling farther and farther away from Him…honestly, I was taken totally back by this…i always thought this would be the closest I walked with my Savior…i’m sitting up here on the mountaintop and reflecting on all the valleys He and I have walked through, and I miss Him…

how could this be??????

here’s the conclusion I’ve come to…first, i take a LLOOOONNNNGGGG time to adjust to change. like, I get a new quilt on my bed and it can throw me for a minute, or so…

so, enter in the era of motherhood in a matter of six hours, and you can imagine how hard it’s been for my brain to wrap itself around this huge shift. after 17 years of marriage, Guy and I have adjusted hard to parenthood… not in the sense of regret or longing for what was…to be honest, neither one of us feels like those days were better than they are now. Norah has revived this grieving and sad couple and breathed new life into our days. the last seven years of our marriage journey were so burdened with grief that we had forgotten how to truly laugh with each other. so, actually, we’ve found a new freedom in this new season.

the hard adjustment has been more about just the sense of normality…finding our footing kind of feeling. does that make sense? both of us struggled to adjust mentally to all of the new emotions, challenges, and changes that we entered into as first time parents…

and that leads me the point of this post, our new normal will never look like the old one. once we recognized that we have to find a new rhythm and new pattern we were able to adjust and make the bend in the road. it’s trying to replicate the past that was our problem…i think i applied that same mistake to my relationship with Jesus. i kept trying to walk with Him as I did pre-Norah…that season has come and gone, as all seasons do. motherhood has radically changed every part of me, for the better. so, i have to meet my Savior in this new season and accept that it will look different. different is in no way bad… instead of meeting Him with emptiness and longing, i’m coming to Him with arms full and joy in my heart…it’s a new type of normal…odd that happiness can almost feel uncomfortable after years of aching…

so, my word for 2019 is intentional…i want to be intentional about my time with Him, where my thoughts are, what I’m trying to carry…

in 2018 my word was surrender…i was so so sad, friends, and so weary…i was running out of steam, and i knew that i had to let go of it all or i wasn’t going to make the trek He was calling me to…a year later and what a different place i’m in…i feel renewed and different.

the chains i couldn’t shake were busted off, in those early months of our miracle. it feels like God did speed refining to wrap up the areas He had been gently working to free me. i come to you a new person, and i am longing to understand her better and her God more…i pray that He keeps me intentional and helps me to slow down and take the time to adjust to all of these amazing things.

Here are some tools I’m loving for 2019…these are not sponsored…I just love them!

She Reads Truth 

Val Marie Paper

Glorious in the Mundane Podcast 

praying that as we approach this new year, your walk with Him grows deeper, no matter where you’re at.

Blessings sweet friend,

*Special thanks to Hannah for the amazing family pictures!